Toothpicks
by loverofstuff1224
Summary: It's funny how annoying a small prick can be. Or the one where Bruce gets insulted and Clint shoots missiles of mass destruction. No pairings unless you squint. T for bad words thanks to Tony's train of thought. Enjoy!
1. Hulk Gets Insulted

So random...

Yeah that's pretty much all I got. Sorry if I offend any Chets out there, I'm sure you're all nice. Tony was controling what I was writing. Nothing to do with my previous stuff either.

Disclaimer: If I actually owned the Avengers the second movie would already be out.

* * *

For some reason Tony liked other people nowadays. It was terrifying he went from four confidants, Pepper, Rodey, JARVIS, and Happy. Now he had a whole team he trusted with anything. He usually disliked people on site, he acted civil, but he knew they didn't care about him. It was either about sex, money, or popularity, sometimes all three. With those four people now at nine, he would do anything for them in a heartbeat, they were his friends, teammates, and one was the love of his life.

Which is why Tony is about to lose it on a newbie S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who is loudly discussing reasons why the 'monster' should not be allowed anywhere near the helicarrier, let alone society. The man clearly doesn't notice the Avengers are in the same room and has his back to them.

"I mean doesn't he know he's a menace?" The guy doesn't know when to shut up. He's obviously trying to convince a couple of other new agents the same thing. The nauseating part is that it seems to be working on at least two of them; the third raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

His comments are heard by everyone in the mess, if the guy thinks he's quiet, he's dumber then Tony thought was actually possible. The team was trying to enjoy their meal; the usually talkative bunch is silent. Clint is constructing a mini bow with an evil glint in his eye and an army of toothpicks ready to be sacrificed for the good of peace on the ship. Natasha is fingering her plastic knife and glaring at the man that if he actually noticed Tony was sure he would piss his pants. Thor looks tense and furious. Steve doesn't want to interfere so is content to fiddle with his hands while looking down at his food. Besides taking in the scene Tony is trying to remember where his closest set of armor is and wonders if Fury would care if the new guy took a test flight with him.

Then Tony notices Bruce, who is eating as if nothing is happening. Tony staring at Bruce leads to Natasha noticing.

"Bruce…"

"Just ignore the guy. I'm used to people talking about me like I'm not there, sorry about if it's ruining lunch for you guys." Bruce looks honest to godly sorry for something he didn't cause.

Clint stops messing with his finished bow and looks at Bruce. "No one insults my friends and gets away with it." He picks up his bow, pulls back a toothpick takes a deep breath and fires. The newly deemed projectile plants itself in the guys right butt check causing the man to let out an undignified yelp. Clint quickly moves his bow out of view and puts on the face akin to an innocent child.

Most of the room lets out snickers though the Avengers table is especially trying to hold back laughs as the man pulls out the wooden stick lodged in his behind. Bruce even smiles at that.

"How the hell did that happen?" The man looks at a loss for words at the toothpick in his hands.

The man goes back to his conversation by the vending machines about the dangers of the Hulk. About another couple of minutes Bruce gets up to get rid of his tray making his way over to the trashcans.

At the same time the now deemed "Judging asshole" makes his way over to toss his empty bottle. Natasha is the first to notice the oncoming meeting and signals for the attention of the group with a quick hand motion. Immediately the rest of the group is standing ready to make an intervention if necessary. Subtlety Clint pockets his ammo.

Judging Asshole accidently bumps into Bruce from behind and the whole room freezes, half expecting for Bruce to Hulk out the other half waiting for what Judging Asshole will say.

"I'm sorry."

The whole room was not expecting that and looks puzzled, the Avengers exchange looks.

"I didn't see you there. I got distracted talking to my buddies."

Bruce seems to understand that along with being a judging asshole he is also completely clueless and so Bruce nods, "No problem."

"Hey my name is Chet, what's yours." Judging Asshole has to have a stereotypical asshole associated name. This 'Chet' holds out his hand. Bruce eyes the hand in 'are you really that dumb or are you joking' look.

"Bruce." Chet lowers his hands as Bruce doesn't shake it.

"Nice to meet you, you look familiar where do you work on the ship." Chet seems honest to god puzzled, Tony feels sorry if this is what Fury had to put up with all day.

"I don't work on the ship."

"Oh."

"Dr. Banner, here are the files on your new mission." Fury hands Bruce the folders, looks at Chet who appears to be sick, then the rest of the mess who were staring at the pair with baited breath. Then he raises a single eyebrow. The room resumes normal conversations and eating. Except the Avengers, they had begun walking toward the trio at the same time without saying a word to each other.

"Bruce!" Clint practically tackles the man throwing an arm around him and causing Bruce to lose balance. "What we got?" He takes the folder and opens it up and lets out an exaggerated groan. "Why do we have to deal with the new and improved Doom-bots, why can't the Fantastic Four deal with them? He was their enemy first."

"Because Agent Barton you have been given orders."

"Does anyone else find it weird how much Johnny resembles Cap?" Tony threw out there. Nods came from the group, except Cap himself.

"He does not." Cap looked annoyed, this argument has been had many times.

"Well looks wise he does, personality not so much, I mean Johnny actually has a girlfriend." Steve turns red at Tony's comment.

"Children let's just go deal with this so we can go home, it's my turn to pick the movie." The team let out a loud groan.

"How in hell is that suppose to motivate us?" Clint asks as he turns Bruce and himself around and the group begins to walk out.

"I must concur with friend Hawk's observation." As the doors shut on the team a loud crack can be heard and then a whine.

Fury looks at Chet. "Close your mouth, something smart might fly in."

* * *

About three days after the mess incident, Chet lets out a yelp as he pulls out another toothpick, this time there is a note attached.

_Dear Judging Asshole_

_Next time you decided to be a dumbass_

_Do it out of earshot_

_Sincerely Hawkeye_

For the rest of the day Chet was shot by toothpicks, got knives thrown at him, was shown the true might of Mjonir, was glared at by Captain America and found out that his private e-mail had been hacked and a private picture of him shirtless wound up circling the ship.

* * *

Review or you will be shot with toothpicks. :D


	2. Thor Gets Punk'd

Back by popular demand, I have decided to make this one more then a one shot. I will do the same thing which each character. So here is Thor!

Disclaimer: Do you think that if I did own the Avengers, I would be taking a SAT tomorrow?

* * *

It was a known fact that Thor was clueless when it came to most things about modern society. He was confused when football players were not actually killing each other. It was a learning process with him which led to Bruce having many headaches. For some reason Thor decided to go to him for most advice about modern society. Maybe it was because half the time Tony will tell Thor the wrong thing at first just to see what would happen.

Natasha and Clint usually just said that Bruce could explain it better, not that he was exactly complaining, because for the most part it was true. Steve was almost as clueless as Thor, but he went to Tony for most advice, something about being used to the way Tony's father talked and explained things.

So Bruce was now used to helping the clueless Thor around the Avenger's Mansion as Tony and Clint fondly dubbed the building.

But they weren't in the mansion. Currently most of the team was on the Helicarrier, Tony was in Los Angeles with Pepper on vacation (Steve asked if this was another way to fondue, which confused everyone) and Steve had decided to stay at home. They were asked to introduce themselves to some of the new transfers, but it was optional for the most part, but Bruce wanted to get out of the house for a bit. As Bruce turned the corner he was wondering why he thought taking a break was a good idea in the first place.

Bruce didn't know if he should laugh, cry, or just give up. Thor currently was bent over with his head in a trashcan and wasn't moving. It took about a minute for Bruce to realize he should probably ask Thor what in God's name was he doing.

"Thor, what are you doing in there?"

"Ah friend Bruce I am competing in a time honored Migardian tradition of seeking and hiding." Thor's voice echoed in the cylinder and Bruce raised his eyebrows.

"Who told you about this time honored tradition?"

"Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., they told me that you participate by placing your head in a can of trash then wait for them to locate me. So far it's been almost a half-hour, I believe I am winning." Thor sounded so happy, Bruce wasn't sure he should burst the big guy's bubble.

"Thor, I believe you've been tricked." Bruce said as he patted the man on his back, but quickly retracted his hand.

"What foul sorcery do you speak of friend?" Thor looked confused and hurt, like a lost puppy. Bruce wondered how a God could possibly do a puppy look so well.

"Hide and seek is played very differently I believe the agents who told you about this were just pulling you're leg." Thor sat down and leaned against the trashcan.

"So I was in fact losing." Bruce picked out a banana peel and a used yogurt container from Thor's hair.

"Next time if anyone tells you anything about society, confirm it with me or another teammate, ok?" Thor looked at the scientist.

"I believe I have learned my lesson friend." Thor smiled.

"Good because I have an idea." Bruce pulled out his cell phone and hit his speed dial. "Clint how do feel about hide and seek?"

Thor grinned.

* * *

"So the point of this exercise is to try to find a good hiding spot and hope that we don't find you." Bruce instructed to the five S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in front of him. Behind Bruce, Hawkeye, Natasha and Thor stood smiling. The agents looked like they were going to piss their pants.

Hulk grinned in Bruce's head and asked if he could participate in this exercise. Next time buddy, Bruce thought.

"You have three minutes starting now." The agents turned and dashed off into the forest behind them. Bruce turned and walked into the helicarrier.

"Bruce aren't you going help us scare these ass-clowns?" Clint asked.

"Nah, letting out the Hulk would be pretty cruel, besides someone has to tell you were they are." Bruce smirked which drew grins from his team.

"Is that not cheating friend Bruce?" Thor asked smiling as he did so.

"Depends on your definition, I do believe a minute is up though." The team turned around and split up in three directions. About ten minutes of watching Clint shoot two of the agents who had tried to team up with arrows that launched out goo the doors behind him wooshed open.

"Here." Bruce tossed the one of the two new comers an ear piece. "one has been hiding here." Bruce pointed to the one who was unharmed for now.

"Damn, we missed most of the fun Cap." Tony grinned. "Let's go make this a party." With that the two left Bruce's command center. It was good to be king.

* * *

"Dr. Banner do I want to know why I have five agents, one who claims there clothes were cut off by daggers, another who claims to have been constantly zapped by lightening, one who seems to be traumatized, and two who are stuck together covered in some sort of gunk."

"…. Probably not Director."

* * *

Okay so I don't know if I'm particularly impressed with this one, but I promise they will get better and probably longer. Let me know what you thought. I enjoy reviews.

Actually this story has probably gotten more feedback then my other stories.


	3. Widow gets Attacked

I'm going to be frank with you people. I don't like this one, I don't think I'm very good at writing Thor. I'm sorry Thor I love you but you are impossible.

Disclaimer: If I owned the Avengers I would be able to write Thor.

* * *

Migardian customs always gave Thor headaches, ones that feel like he hit himself in the head repeatedly with Mjoinr. Which is why he was confused why he was being forced to posses different cloths to wear and why some Migardians walked about practically naked during the day, even though Lady Natasha told Thor that it was not proper and to come inside and put some damn pants on.

His Jane had informed him that it was improper in Migardian culture to wear the same outfit repeatedly so he needed assistance. So he asked his fellow avenger Man of Iron, but Widow had overheard and said that she would assist him in his mission, but with Tony's money. Also something about how Man of Iron would purposely dress him in embarrassing clothing, whatever that entailed.

So he and the Widow of Black had walked into a store called H&M and gained strange looks from the other people in the store. Thor now understands why Clint ran and hid when Lady Natasha said that they were going shopping, it was one of the most trying experiences of his life. Lady Natasha was a scary individual, but she insisted that Thor try on every piece of material known to man. He was put in a small room and Lady Natasha kept throwing clothes over the wall at him telling him to try it on or else. He then would leave the room where Natasha would either say yes, no, that's not how you wear that or Thor when you try on pants you don't have to take off your shirt.

Many women stared at him when he was shirtless; it made him very uncomfortable, especially now that he was with his Jane.

Eventually, he had tried on everything Lady Natasha had insisted on, and he carried the piles of clothes that he could not see over to a register of cash to purchase the goods. The cashier eyed the pile of clothes like it was great foe and went about attacking it as such. The total seemed like a lot of money to Thor, but Natasha did not even glance at it as she handed Man of Iron's card over. He then went about trying to remain balanced as he carried the bags to the car.

"Put those in the back. Hurry up I know what store we are going to next." Thor let out a loud gulp and prayed for a crisis that needed the avengers.

* * *

It was after the fifth store that Natasha finally declared they had completed the task and Thor demanded a celebration feast for conquering his most impressive feat yet. Natasha hit him in the arm for that comment.

They went to a small diner which excited Thor. Thor was much more comfortable in a place that seemed more like a home, then a fancy restaurant that friend Tony had insisted on one time after their fifth successful mission. Which caused Lady Pepper to say afterwards never again to Tony as she was paying for the damages that the restaurant had received.

They were waiting for their meals and Thor watched the device friend Bruce said was not conceived from magic. It was on something called the News. They had brought up images of the Avengers latest battle that had been against the Enchantress and Zemo. The people talking about the battle paused at an image of the woman in front of him and began to talk about the "Black Widow". Natasha tensed, but did not tear her eyes away from the screen.

"I wouldn't mind being with her."

"Please she would kill you in a day, besides rumor has it she'swith Hawkeye."

"I thought she was sleeping with Thor."

The man then snorts, "She's just sleeping with the team, not unexpectedly I might add, she seems to be the type who gets around."

Thor was confused about some of the words they were using and what they seem to be saying about Natasha, but it was obvious she did not. The cheerful mood they were in had vanished as Natasha seemed to be tense and depressed. The waitress noticed this, apologized and turned off the television. Natasha said thank you and signed a napkin for the woman's daughter and Thor did the same.

They received their food soon after, but Lady Natasha seemed only to pick at it whereas Thor ate with much gusto.

When they got back home and the rest of the Avengers greeted them, Natasha just walked by turning to the direction of her room.

"Natasha!" Clint dashed out after her picking up on her sour mood.

"What was that about?" Tony asked and Bruce raised an eyebrow both in Thor's direction. Thor began to tell about his day. The two seemed to grow mad as he recapped the tale of the News. They explained why to Thor.

"The anchors of news will live to regret the day they insulted my comrades!" Thor exclaimed loudly. Then lo and behold it became true.

* * *

A loud crack and crashing noise was heard, and then some very girly screams. Thor looked at the puny mortal in front of him and brought down several more strikes of lightening around him. The man screamed some more.

"What the hell are you doing?" The man screamed.

"The news told me there was a threat here." Thor said a line he rehearsed many a time with friend Bruce.

"No what the hell were they thinking?" The man was looking pissed and scared at the same time.

"It's quite funny how your mortal news programs get things wrong." With that Thor left making another hole in the ceiling.

For the next week several embarrassing images were seen on the news and many secrets about the anchors that were private were heard. Natasha never said thank you to any members of the team, but that was alright, that's what a team was suppose to do Thor thought. They are supposed to have their backs no matter what the situation.

* * *

Not my best work, but I promise it will get better! I will update soon...

probably...

Read and Review, or don't and hurt my feelings, and if you can't tell, bad things happen when you hurt people's feelings.


	4. Hawkeye Gets Defended

My big author note is at the bottom. I know this is a little different from the others seeing as the one who is being insulted isn't even there for the most part, but it all works out in my mind.

Disclaimer: If I owned the Avengers I would include Antman and Wasp in the next film because I love them.

* * *

Natasha prided herself on being an enigma. She remained aloof and secretive, never revealing more than necessary and played her cards extremely tight to her chest. It has always been this way and it will always be that way, which is what she told herself over and over again so she doesn't put down roots and doesn't get attached. She's wrong though. All of a sudden someone who is just like her, lost in a way, is holding a arrow right at her forehead and instead of doing what he is told, he offers her the one thing she never thought she would have a second chance, an escape.

To this day she doesn't know what made her accept the offer from a stranger who by all accounts should have killed her. Since that moment, where time seemed to freeze and she was saved, she hasn't looked back.

Clint becomes her rock, the one reliable ally in the messed up world she tries to protect and save. Then though people seem to slip through her cracks in the wall she puts up. She slowly finds herself opening up to them and being honest in ways she never thought were possible before Clint. She finds herself sitting through movie nights after saving the world with her team. A handful of people who know her weaknesses, her faults, and even the way she takes her coffee and through all this they stand beside her no matter the cost.

This is why on this glorious Friday, she is beyond furious.

She had been reporting to Fury for their weekly debrief on what has happened and getting files on the next assignment when she passed by one of the game rooms. She was trying to locate her two fellow Avengers who were doing repairs on the flying base from the last attack on the ship, but stop when she heard some interesting comments being said. True to her occupation no one heard her walk by or see her placed outside the room where she heard and saw everything.

"Woo Bulls eye!" Cheered one of the seven agents that were in the rooma dn all were participating in the game. The dart indeed had hit the center of the dart board, but that's not what made Natasha's blood boil. They had an image tacked up on top, the dart piercing the nose of the face.

Clint's face. It was an image of when he was possessed his eyes that certain shade of blue that for the week after haunted Natasha's dreams.

"Isn't this a little barbaric?" One of the smaller agents piped up. "He was possessed, it's not like he purposely meant to kill anyone."

"Please, "Hawkeye" has always been a loose cannon, he refuses to listen to orders. He had this coming for a long time." One of the two girls in the room said. In fact if Natasha remembered correctly (and she always did) she's pretty sure Clint rejected that girl's come-ons last Valentine's Day.

"He didn't even kill one of the world's best assassins; instead he befriends her and brings her back here. Like a Russian spy could be trusted. He probably just fell for her charm just like he did Loki's." The man, who throws out his opinion like he's God reborn, lands a dart right into one of Clint's eyes. At this point in time Natasha has heard enough and she slinks away.

* * *

"How does Fury manage to find you people, I mean all you need is a basic engineering degree to put this together." Tony shakes his head in disbelief and waves to an approaching Natasha from where he stands reconfiguring the helicarrier's hardware from the last attack on the ship. Bruce looks up from the hard drive he's inspecting and nods in her direction.

"Everyone out." The coldness of Natasha's words startles all the workers in the room and makes them freeze for a moment before hastily leaving. Tony looks amused and Bruce was wondering what trouble Tony was in now.

"Tony," Tony's smile seemed to be glued on as he waited for her to do something bad to him. "Pull up the footage from the game room on deck three." Tony and Bruce let out a sigh of relief.

"Yes I can do that, why might I ask this footage is so important you cleared out an entire-" He's cut off as the current images of what is happening appear with sound, on his touchpad and he frowns instantly. "I see." He hands the pad over to Bruce who lets out an unconscious growl at what he watches.

Bruce then begins to type something into the pad very quickly and all of a sudden screams can be heard from the pad. Tony and Natasha quickly look over to see what the scientist has gone and Tony lets out a loud snort.

The seven people in the room are now covered in water and are continued being drenched by the overhead sprinkler system along with being sprayed by the walls with the chemicals found in fire extinguishers.

"Not enough." Natasha says.

"Oh most definitely." Tony smirks and Natasha can practically see the horns on his head.

* * *

The next day the stupid seven, as Tony called them, were awakening every hour on the hour by a shrill alarm that went on for five minutes. When they eventually got up, each time they touched something metal it shocked them.

Then they were called in for training. The training was them being target practice for the Black Widow. When that was done three flinched at any movement, three were in hysterics and one had passed out. They were then called to help in the docks where they spent the next five hours lifting boxes of weights into the ship as directed by Captain America. After that was done, the Captain then said oh wait that's wrong they're needed on Deck C this is Deck F. By the time all of this was over, the seven (the one had been woken up by the shrill alarm) were about to fall asleep as they stumbled to their rooms.

When they came to each of their rooms though they were greeted with men in hazmat suits. Their rooms had somehow become exposed to gamma radiation and they weren't allowed in.

* * *

The next day Natasha sat on the sofa next to Clint and the other Avengers scattered around the room as they watched the morning news to see what new cover ups S.H.I.E.L.D. came up with. They had pulled up old news feeds once and it had become a drinking game, whoever laughed during one had to do a shot. Tony and Clint sucked at constantly giggling like girls over the stupidity of it all.

They had just sat through the first ten minutes, when they all except Natasha who barely flinched, let out a very manly yelp as a man with an eye patch appeared on the television screen.

"What the hell?" Tony screeched as he moved to grab a pad and stop his worst nightmare from coming true.

"I'll be brief Mr. Stark. I would just like to know why I have seven agents who claim to have been traumatized by my team." Fury's glare as always was impressive.

"We have no idea what you're talking about Director."Dr. Banner stated in a calm controlled voice. Clint just looked confused as hell.

"Yes well, next time you seek to defend Agent Barton's honor, come to me and I will deal with it." With that Fury left and the news continued to play.

Clint looked at his team who all had innocent looks about them. "Do I even want to know?" The smirk Natasha wore, told him that he was probably better off not knowing.

* * *

Hey so two more chapters! I'm excited. First things first though, I would like to express my gratitude.

I currently have 315 e-mails in my inbox, and the cool thing about that I went through it all deleted all those that don't pertain to my stories. So I know for sure I have 315 e-mails that vary from reviews to story alerts about all my Avengers work. That's more feedback I have gotten for anything ever! So I would like to take a minute to thank you all.

At first I was planning on e-mailing you all back, but it got confusing because some of you guys favored or alerted multiple stories and I didn't want to fill your inboxes expressing the same thing over and over again, so I'm thanking you all right here!

HOME: I have 51 one favorite stories for this and I love you all, my first work thats litered with grammatical errors is apparently decent. I really thank you all for that, also for my 5 reviewers those made my day hearing you're feedback. And for those 3 who alerted my story, I'm sorry that's completed, but I love you anyway! :D

IN WHICH A DEATH IS GREATLY EXAGGERATED: This is officially as of right now my most favorited story ever with 56 I mean I love you people so much its awesome having this much appreciation. I thank you all. This story is probably done too just so you know, I did have 6 alerts and I'm sorry but chances are this one is complete. And to my 15 reviewers you guys motivated me to write another story which brings us to my next work.

FOR THE FIRST TIME: Honestly I wasn't sure about this one but for the 25 faves, 5 story alerts and 6 reviewers I love you all. I will do another chapter I think either on scars (one reviewer suggested that and I love it) or something about Hawkeye's background since my focus was mainly on his part. I will note I'm leaning to the first part. Also for those who pointed it out I now have added Steve to the pile at the end.

A SECOND START FOR THE THIRD TIME: The only story I actually wrote with couples part of the story. So I would like to thank my 6 reviewers and my 13 favoriters and my 6 alerters it was great. I'm going to write another either with the girls of the Avengers plotting something evil or someone punching the General, maybe both.

Finally, last, but not least

TOOTHPICKS: I love you guys so fucking much! This story has gotten more reviews (36) and more alerts (39) then anything I have ever written ever in the history of my life. It makes me so happy. Super duper happy you people motivate me to actually complete this and its grand. Also I can't forget my 33 people who favorited this story, I love them.

I like to thank the 3 people who favorited author me that was fantastic and also the 7 of you who author alerted me. I love you. I love every last one of you.

And lastly to the one person who reviewed this story simply by saying "I love you"

I would like to say "And I love you random citizen!" (whoever can name where that's from gets a free cookie from over the internet)

For any of you that actually stuck through and skimmed my rambling I would like to remind you to review! Please! I love you all! I haven't said that enough I think...


	5. Captain America Gets Embaressed

Sorry this chapter refused to be written. I tried, but this chapter wins most disliked by me of this series. I feel like I let Captain America down. I didn't want to do the something to similar to Thor, yet inspiration wasn't coming to me like all the others.

P.S. Like the image? It is Hawkeye shooting a toothpick, my inspiration for this story. It's from the show Avengers Earth's Mightest Heroes. It's on Disney XD and it's awesome. Even my Dad says it's pretty good and he grew up on the stuff so that's a good sign.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers, because I let Captain America down. I also don't own that new picture.

* * *

To say that Captain America was clueless was an understatement. Clint figured the only one more clueless then Steve was Thor and the old people who lose their memories over time. It was really quite sad and hilarious. Watching Steve trying to adjust to the changes that New York had since the 1940s was really quite hilarious. He felt uncomfortable around all women now because of the way they dressed, he had to bite his tongue every time he was going to use slang from his original era and technology was a very elusive mistress for the Nazi fighter.

Steve was a good idea though, even if he couldn't figure out how to work a T.V. or a remote or a microwave. Tony laughed his ass off the one time Steve got an e-mail saying click now for a million dollars, and then clicked it.

Hopeless. That being said though the only people allowed to pick on the good Samaritan was his teammates and occasionally Fury. This meant no reporters had any right to make Steve fell uncomfortable. Especially ones who dressed more provocatively then reporters on a national average and had the gall to ask questions that had no meaning to the Avenger's latest defeat of Zemo.

The rest of the team had went to deal with separate injuries and only Steve and Clint remained and currently Rogers was being interviewed by a reporter who seemed to be standing a bit to close, seeing as Steve's face resembled a tomato.

"So a man like you must get all the girls."

"Excuse me?"

"You have been with a woman with you." Steve's awkward pause combined with his continually reddening face led the reporter putting two and two together. The cameraman snickered.

"You haven't been with a woman?" That's went Clint realized he had to intervene dramatically.

"Steve buddy, Maria just called and asked for you to report back to her." Clint put emphasis on her and Cap didn't know whether to look grateful or embarrassed. The reporter smiled gleefully getting all of this on camera. Steve ran off though, seizing his chance of freedom. Clint had an urge to yell "Run, Forest, run!" But he decided against knowing Steve wouldn't get the reference at all, they had yet to teach Steve about the awesomeness of Tom Hanks.

"So," Clint turned to the reporter, "is this live?" The woman shook her head no. "Oh good." Clint pulled out his phone and typed a quick message to Tony, hoping that the man had a second suit of armor nearby.

"So you're the famous Hawkeye."

"That would be me." Clint made small talk with her for about eight minutes, before Tony landed right by Clint scaring the reporter and the man holding the camera looked like he was about to pee his pants.

"You said it was an emergency." Tony glared at Clint as his mask folding in to reveal his face. Clint turned his head to talk so that Tony was the only one to be able to hear him.

"Cap may have revealed that he hasn't done _it_ on that camera." Tony realized why he was called.

"I'll distract and you snag."

"That's the plan." Clint and Tony turned back to the reporter who looked thrilled to have now talked to three Avengers and gain good gossip on the leader of the rag tag group.

Tony immediately swept the reporter off her feet, the only reason to not cut out Tony's tongue according to Clint. Then said archer disappeared to the shadows and making his way behind the cameraman.

Clint went into the building and found a window that wasn't too high up. He clicked a button on his bow a couple times and heard the satisfying click of an arrowhead being fused to the staff and pulled it out. He lined up his shot took a breath and waited till Tony had the two people completely enraptured with his words. He shot

The arrow plunged through the camera. The cameraman shrieked in surprise and dropped, and then Clint squeezed his bow. It was low powered explosive made to blast doors open quickly, quietly and without the mess. So to the disbelief of the two workers the camera exploded the parts hitting them lightly.

"What the hell was that?" Tony tried to look confused as they were.

"Maybe it was a bird."

"A bird." The woman stated in disbelief.

"Oh look at the inside of my helmet, is that the time, I have to go." With that Tony blasted off, waving to the stunned duo below him. As soon as Clint could no longer see Tony he ran off too, laughing all the way back to the Avenger's mansion.

* * *

At about eight o'clock the group settled around the giant T.V. in the main living room eating their traditional celebratory Shwarma. Steve visible flinched as Tony flipped on the news.

"Guys how about we watch a movie instead?"

"I think you'll enjoy this Cap." Tony smirked and turned the volume up.

"Once again the day is saved thanks to the Avengers." The smiling newscaster said. "And our own Emily Welch was at the scene today." The screen split in half to show in the other frame the woman who had been terrorizing Cap earlier.

"Well unfortunately all the footage and tape we recorded was destroyed." Emily looked nervous.

"Destroyed how?" The other woman asked and seemed genuinely curious.

"Er… by a bird?"

"A bird." The newscaster seemed baffled.

Tony and Clint subtlety fist bumped.

* * *

This never has to be spoken about again. I promise the next chapter will be better, because I know what I'm writting for that one so expect it by Monday latest.

My story is almost over. I'm sad now.


	6. Iron Man Gets Respect

Hey here's the chapter I promised you a week ago. I suck at deadlines so if you want to kill me go ahead. I wrote this and it went in an entirely different direction that refused to stop.

I feel like making up for the lack of humor in the story so I'll share with you something unbelieveable that happened to me the other week.

I was with two of my friends and we were watching the MTV movie awards and it got to the part where it was showing the sneak peek at the new Batman movie. Before they showed the trailer though they recapped the first two movies.

Me and one friend: This is awesome! *see the Joker sticking his head out the window like he doesn't care*

Other friend: Why is that guy wearing clown make-up?

Me and friend: WTF is wrong with you?

How she didn't know who he was I'll never know.

Anyways on with the story.

Disclaimer: If I owned the Avengers I would be able to make deadlines and nerd out with my friends.

* * *

If there was one person in the world that could change the way Captain America viewed Tony Stark it was Pepper Potts. Granted the moment after Tony made the sacrifice play with the nuke on his back, Steve knew he misjudged the man. But it was the day after that really made him rethink his image of the man.

The Avengers after throwing Loki at some unsuspecting S.H.I.E.L.D. agents took off to Tony's mansion. Tony said they could crash there and since the tower was probably unstable that the mansion would be the best bet. The group was too tired to argue regardless and they made there was into the house Tony giving directions to rooms that should have beds and said good night. Steve didn't even care he practically collapsed on top of the bed and didn't move till about ten the next morning.

When Steve made his way downstairs he didn't see what was coming. In a kitchen fit for a five star restaurant. Hawkeye was manning three pans flipping what appeared to be pancakes in each. Tony was next to him cooking bacon and hash browns. Bruce was sitting reading the paper sipping coffee, Thor was stuffing his face full of breakfast compared to Natasha who was delicately picking at her food. Tony looked at the man who walked through the door who was convinced he was in a dream like state.

"Mr. Sleepy-head awakes what's your poison in the morning?"

"What…?" Steve rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as Natasha rolled hers at Tony's antics. Bruce folded his paper and looked at the man.

"Coffee, juice, or milk?"

"Oh, just orange juice." Steve asked nicely as Bruce got up to fetch the drink. Steve sat himself at the end by Natasha. "Thanks." He said to Bruce and then enjoyed the peacefulness of the morning.

"Sir,-" a voice out of nowhere caused Steve to choke on his juice and for Tony and Clint to laugh at him.

"JARVIS meet Captain America, Captain America meet JARVIS." Steve looked around for the voice like a lost puppy.

"Hello?"

"It's nice to meet you sir." The voice was British and coming from nowhere, Steve has gone insane.

"You had your fun Tony." Natasha said making Tony pout. "JAVRVIS is an A.I., a computer, that runs the house, Tony's Iron Man suit and basically could take over the world if he wasn't addicted to bad television."

"Shut up JARVIS is awesome." Tony looked at the ceiling as he talked. "So what did you want anyways?"

"I feel the need to inform you-"

"Anthony Howard Stark!"All heads whipped to the doorway of the kitchen where a fuming redhead was standing.

"Pepper!" Tony abandoned his station in the kitchen and went to her quickly stopping a foot short.

"A last minute call to say you were dying. Again!" Pepper pointed a accusing finger in his face. "Didn't I say you weren't allowed to scare me like that again?"

"I had to Pepper, if I didn't we all would have been dead regardless."

"That doesn't make it okay!"

With that said Tony pulled the woman into his arms, a woman who could've put Hulk's anger issues to shame, and kissed her.

"I tried to tell you I was dying."

"Yeah with a phone call that I missed, do you know how upset I was till JARVIS called about five hours later saying you were in one piece?" Pepper was almost hysterical.

"I promise next time to successfully give you a heads up next time I'm about to die. I love you." Pepper then kissed the man again for much longer.

With that Steve's view on the world shifted and he saw Tony in a new light. Pepper was Tony's reason for doing anything. He wasn't a playboy or a womanizer anymore Pepper had grounded him.

Steve respected the woman instantly. Which is why the good old Captain was finding it hard not to harm a reporter.

Steve, Tony, and Clint, the three more or less capable of dealing with reporters were doing a live interview after they defeated MODOK. A very daring reporter asked outright if Tony was cheating on Pepper with the Black Widow. Which may have been one of the dumbest moves alive seeing how Clint tensed and Tony let out a big grin that screamed I have enough money to bury you in a hole. But much to the other members surprise Steve spoke up.

"Mr. Stark and Ms. Potts are in a very happy relationship and you have no right to ask him about his commitment to it. If anyone has any real questions please step up, our lives are not a gossip show." Steve's facial expression never changing.

"You heard the good Captain and he is right, I don't think my relationship status is changing anytime soon sorry Ms. Everhart."

Over the next couple of days somehow the reporter resigns something about stressful situations. Apparently her skin changed colors according to her mood for a week. It seemed to rain wherever she went. She swore she kept seeing things in the shadows along with all her stuff missing.

Captain America's dismissal of her soon becomes one of the most watched things on the internet, it was also played at Tony and Pepper's wedding, but that's another story.

* * *

The End.

Oh wait is that a bonus chapter I see. :D


	7. The Avengers Get the Prick

THEY ARE MAKING A ANT MAN MOVIE AND A BLACK PANTHER MOVIE. Okay so they are in development, if they don't make them I will be super pissed at them. I love them. Plus they can totally have Jan in the third Iron Man film, not as a character persay just as like Oh my friend Jan is dating/longing after this dude name Hank Pym.

It works okay! Don't judge me...

Too much.

This is the end sadly. The last bonus chapter. I wonder how many of you saw this coming or did you all think I was going to do Tony and Pepper's wedding? You were wrong, but maybe I'll do that in the future.

Enjoy for the last time. :D

Disclaimer: I would have already had the scripts to Ant Man and Black Panther done and in theaters if I owned anything.

* * *

It scrolls across the news one morning where no one pays attention. There too busy aiming grapes into Thor's mouth from ridiculous angles. They go quiet though as the 'shocking news' rolls on screen ready to move out if they have too.

"This just in, last night Senator Stern announced his withdrawal from Congress. No comment as to why, more on that story in a minute."

The group exchange looks all asking each other with their eyes if they are the reason for the man's early retirement. They all looked bewildered so that's a no.

It was no secret the Senator was against the Avengers (mostly Tony, God knows why), but they never in public accosted the man, trying for something called good PR or whatever Fury rambled about at those meetings they had to have.

"Hey JARVIS find out why our old pal retired will you?"

"As you wish sir."

"Don't get snarky with me mister."

Its two hours later when JARVIS finds the answer they seek in the form of a video. They get some popcorn and settle in to watch what hopefully proves to be entertaining.

"Excuse me Senator I believe we need to have a chat." Tony does one of the most impressive spit takes ever and Clint begins to choke on a popcorn kernel. Bruce hits his back a couple of times till the kernel flies out, hitting Thor smack dab in the middle of his forehead. Natasha snickers. "It has come to my attention that you don't like my team."

"Your team is uncontrollable, most are past felons and another isn't from this universe." Stern sounds like a weasel as he speaks and everyone wishes they had the ability to reach into the screen and punch the man for insulting their comrades.

"Ever since the Avengers have assembled the world has been saved, major crimes have slowed down and the world is much safer than it has ever been."

"That may be your opinion D-"

"That's the only opinion and if I see you harassing my team ever again we will have words." With that Fury turns around, his jacket swishing behind him as he exits the camera view.

* * *

The next day Fury grumbles his way to an impromptu meeting with the counsel, those dumbasses. Maria Hill on his tail as they turned to enter the meeting room.

The banner says Surprise! :D and he raises an eyebrow at the balloon covered ceiling and the confetti over the floor. The people responsible though are nowhere in sight. On the table is a box with a folded note on top addressed to "the ever most illustrious Ruler of the Spies Sir Nicolas of Fury."

_Here's a token of appreciation for what you have done for us, enjoy you one-eyed ass you. _

_The Avengers_

_P.S. Sorry we let Tony write the note – Steve_

_P.S.S. My note writing is awesome Captain Tights- TS_

_P.S.S.S. Dear lord you guys are stupid- The Hawk_

_P.S.S.S.S. I agree with the above statement. – Black Widow_

_P.S.S.S.S.S. You would – TS_

_P.S.S.S.S.S.S. I am confused to why we are writing on this paper instead of talking as we are standing next to one another.- Thor Odinson_

_P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. I'm never leaving you guys unsupervised for a minute ever again. – Bruce_

_P.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. Also I'm writing all the notes from now on.- Bruce _

Fury rolls his eye and lifts up the box lid slowly in bright pink it reads "Thanks for Getting Rid of the Annoying Prick!" On the other half of the cake it is what appears to be a kid like image of him holding a toothpick like a sword.

Fury never tells anyone, but he genuinely smiles. His team may be full of dumbasses, but they were his.

* * *

Okay so no cheesy endings here... I'm going to miss this story a lot. This has brought me more feedback, alerts, and favs more than anything ever and I love every last one of you. So one more time, bear with me and:

Read and Review! Tell me what you loved what you hated. Who would make a good Ant Man, Black Panther or Wasp. Or check out my new story I just published. Do something!


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